The hubs has been out of town for the last four days which means my laziness has reached an all-time record high while my “Trophy Wife” status (bahaha) has plummeted…drastically. I didn’t plan to be this disgusting or lazy or pathetic while he was gone, it just happened. I know I have to clean it up before he gets home but in the meantime, I’m shamelessly enjoying the last 48 hours of living in a frat house, acting and looking like a total skank.
I’m a hot mess.
I’ve managed to reuse the same pair of socks three times. BUT in my defense it was because I left the wet laundry in the washing machine…from last week…
We ran out of towels (because of the laundry situation I mentioned above) so I improvised and used one of my husbands T-shirts to dry my son off from his bath. Is there a White Trash Award?
True or False? I used yesterday’s left over bacon grease to cook today eggs???
I pulled out those infamous granny panties that I love so much and I haven’t looked back. In fact, I’m thinking of telling my husband we were burglarized and that someone stole all of my g-string underwear.
I didn’t make my son homemade soup for dinner. I bought it. In a can. And microwaved it! I know…I’m going to hell.
After not showering for 3 days, my hair has taken on that glisteny, greasy, Afro Sheen look…which does not look good on a while girl with long thin hair. It gives me that Emo, “Cousin It” look.
In fact, everything about me is greasy right now. My mom says I look like I rolled in Crisco…I’m not sure I have a comeback.
My dinner last night consisted of potato chip crumbles from the bottom of the bag, a limp (possibly moldy) carrot dipped in garlic spread, some shredded cheese, half a guacamole sandwich (WTF) and some gummy bears. If you don’t believe me, check my computer keyboard for evidence.
Since I haven’t showered, I haven’t shaved. I have so much leg hair I could donate to Locks of Love.
I haven’t bothered to brush my hair at all. My new style routine: Wake up, crab one of those claw looking clips, twist up and secure.
The sink is overflowing with dishes. We have no paper plates. I used a Frisbee I found in the office. And then I left it there, along with my half eaten Kraft Mac N Cheese, which if you know me, is against all of my morals (not the dirty Frisbee part. Just the Kraft Mac & Cheese Part). The fact that I was desperate enough to eat that nuclear, chemical crap goes to show you just how lazy I’ve been.
I found a rotten apple stashed in my son’s toy box that was growing a new life form (this one attests to how dirty he is. Not me.)
In four more days I could totally braid my arm pit hair. Totally.
I’m a hot mess.
– The Confessioness